A Succession of Moments

Love

2010-10-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

sometimes causes heartbreak. My heart is so broken for the people that I love. It makes me think of God and how His heart is constantly broken for His people because He loves us so much. There are times when I feel like I can't handle the heartbreak that comes with loving people so much...but then I remember how God sent His one son to die because is heart was broken for the ones He loved and He wanted them back...it reminds me that God put this love in my heart for a reason, because the people I love are the same people that He loves...but way more.

So I am thankful that my heart breaks for the people I love because God's heart breaks too...and I just want more of His heart for His people. I want to love them like He does. I want to be broken because of love.

Amsterdam!

2010-06-01T13:46:00.001-07:00

I know it's been a while since my last post...so let me sum up the last couple months: joyful, surprising, busy, stressful, growing, amazing, encouraging, blessed. In a nutshell.

Now to the present....AMSTERDAM. I've been here now for over a week and I absolutely love it here. It took me a matter of days to feel at home in this place and welcomed by the people here at YWAM De Poort. I can't explain all of the amazing things that have happened since we have been here and all that God has been showing me, but I can say that this trip has already changed my life and I feel so blessed to be able to be here in this moment.

When we first arrived to the YWAM base it was very stressful. There was no real schedule and there was a lot of miscommunications. However, the first week, while stressful, was also stretching and a time of immense growth for the whole team. I think I learned and grew more in the last week than I have in the last year. It was an amazing time of getting to know the Dutch culture, the city, and the people here. We have built so many amazing relationships so far and we just love the people we are able to work with every day.

I have realized in my time here so far that I love to be in cross-cultural settings. I know I want to do missions, but since being here God has really confirmed that desire in me and has really shown me the ways in which I was made to do this. It's like God made me just the way He did in order to do this type of work that He called me to. I can't explain the feeling I have being here, I just feel a peace and I know I am exactly where God wants me to be. So this trip personally has been so confirming and amazing.

One of the best nights by far since we have been here was being able to attend a women's group at the Lighthouse. The Lighthouse ministry focuses on the Red Light District and the women working in the windows. They hold a bible study every monday with women that they have built relationships with that have either come out of prostitution or are still in it. We were able to cook for the women in the group on monday and join them for dinner. Although we couldn't communicate with the women (they all spoke spanish because they are from the Dominican Republic) we were able to just greet them and be in their presence and learn about them (with the help of some translating).

After dinner there was a time of worship and the leaders of the Lighthouse asked us to do prophetic painting for the 4 women at the group. So...during the worship Natalie, Hannah, Heather, and I each chose one women and prayed for them during worship and then painted a picture for them according to what God had laid on our hearts for the women. At the end, we were able to present the paintings to each woman and explain what God was speaking to them through the painting. It was an incredibly amazing and humbling time to be able to speak into the women's lives. God opened up the opportunity for us to tell these women exactly how the Lord felt about them. It was so amazing. It was a humbling time because when you meet these women you realize all of the stereotypes you carry towards women with the title "prostitute" and how when you meet the women all of those are shattered. Each of these women are beautiful creations of the Lord and who am I to judge them in any way? Who am I to say that they need this or that? I am just as broken of a human as they are. Being in the same room with all of the women made me see that we are all the same in the eyes of the Lord, we are women who hurt, who love, laugh, and cry. A title or description does not define who we are. We are children of God.

Needless to say that night was one of the most impactful nights of my life and so humbling. I am so excited to see what else God has ins tore for us as we are here and I am so ready to abandon everything to serve Him completely!

Irresistible Revolution

2009-11-14T13:30:00.000-08:00

Let's just scratch the last entry I wrote. No sooner had I written that blog that God quickly reminded me why I am where I am and what my purpose is.

I finally started reading Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (after a year of wanting to read it but never getting around to it) and it has reminded me of my passions and the reason God gave me those passions. If I had read this book a few years ago it would have completely wrecked me...turned everything I knew and thought upside down to reveal a reality about who Jesus is and who as Christians we are called to be. I feel like I have already been wrecked in that area...but I too often forget that. This book is "re-wrecking" my life. It is bringing me back to the place when God first got a hold of my heart and set me on fire for Him...gave me such an unsettling in my soul to do something more...not be be more or accomplish more, but that there was so much more to following Jesus than church on Sunday nights (or morning); that we are called to love and to serve the least of these...that we are feeding Jesus, clothing him, serving him. "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matt. 25:40)

I cannot forget the reason Jesus called us...I cannot live as though the bible is a "guideline" to follow when my own way gets lost...I want it to be my life, my soul, my food and shelter. I want to live the bible and see it happen...not just read about what Jesus did...do what Jesus did. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these..." (John 14:12) I want this to be what defines my life. I want to love like Jesus loved...I want to hold nothing back from serving Him.

"Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, 'You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet.'"

-Irresistible Revolution

Life. Right Now.

2009-11-09T14:20:00.000-08:00

"The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row. It seems farther than ever before. I need you so much closer. So come on." -Death Cab

This defines my life right now. I have no idea where I'm at and I feel so far away from where I'm supposed to be. I've lost sight of the purpose for what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

I need to see clearly...but I don't know how.

Fevers and Coughs

2009-10-16T23:13:00.000-07:00

This title sums up my entire week. I've been sick since Tuesday night after the David Crowder concert, which was amazing, and am still fighting it!

I woke up Wednesday morning with a fever and then developed a cough and a stuffy nose. I stayed home from school all day Wednesday and had to cancel life group. I was feeling better when the night came around but then I woke up in the morning to an even worse fever! It was horrible...my whole body was on fire. So I skipped yet another day of school. I watched movies and the seasons of Greek all day. I went to bed Thursday night with a horrible fever...but by the morning it had gone away! I was excited because I thought maybe I would be able to go to the big event at Simpson, Airband. Only to be surprised around 6 o' clock by another fever! Ugh...I hate being sick.

I'm now sitting home on a Friday evening missing the big event. I've also missed 3 days of school and 2 quizzes...only 1 of which I can make up. I hate being sick! I just want to feel better and be able to leave thise house and get off the couch. I have'nt been this sick in a really long time...dang flu. I'm really hoping that I will be better by the time Monday rolls around so that I don't miss any more school. That would be wonderful.

Sex Trafficking

2009-08-26T00:13:00.000-07:00

I just watched a 45 minute video on sex-trafficking in the Netherlands, Japan, Jamaica, and the U.S. It focused on those four countries for the concern of the documentary but it is informational about sex trafficking all over the world.

This video broke my heart but it set me on fire to bring change to this issue...in whatever way I can and right now that way is praying. I think some people tend to underestimate the power of prayer...but it is so extremely powerful. I believe that through prayer situations begin to change.

What God really put on my heart through this video was to really start praying for the men in this world...the buyers in the sex industry, the men who run the brothels, the loverboys who manipulate woman into prostitution, the pimps. i have such a burden to pray for them...because without demand for these women, the industry wouldn't be so big. Without the men behind the business to traffic these women, there wouldn't be so many being brought into the world of prostitution. It makes me so sad that this is such a huge multi-billion dollar industry...and that means there are that many people paying for these prostitutes! It's so sad...and so far from what is supposed to be.

The other thing that really makes me sad is that it is becoming so much more acceptable to do these things. It's legal in Amsterdam...it's not legal here but believe it or not there are tens of thousands of women trafficked into the US every year. And many more women already in the US who are in prostitution. Everywhere you go there are adult stores...filled with porn of young women showing themselves off to the world. Yes...some choose to do it, but does that make it ok? Does that mean that they are not going to come out of it down the road and realize how damaging it truly was? And the men! So many men think it's ok to look at porn...no big deal. It is a huge deal! Huge. Men need to step up. The men in our world need to be challenged to be real men like God created them to be. I'm not talking about ALL men...but so many men in this world.

Ok...for example. Most often the only type of punishment that takes place in the world of prostitution is that the prostitutes are the ones to be arrested...whether they are doing it by their own choice or being forced. And the pimps who take every penny the woman makes and uses it to barely supply the woman's needs, but pockets the rest? What happens to him? And the man paying for the prostitute...what about him? It's so warped...it's so sad.

I want to see men standing up and saying that they won't tolerate that anymore...that they will take a stand and be the one to go out and minister to these men. To bring the change. To pray for this issue. I am so burdened by this issue. I am going to pray until God tells me to go...and then I'll go but I'll keep praying.

I believe that God will hear my cries for this...and I think that change will come. God will bring a revolution...men will turn back to Him and step up like never before. I believe this and I am praying for this. Anything is possible through Christ. He is the victor...Satan may be the ruler of the world...but God is KING. He is Lord over all, and Satan will not win over these men...they are God's and God will reclaim them.

"For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is His name-the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth." Isaiah 54:5

www.enddemand.org

DREAMS

2009-08-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

So this summer has been kind of rough...but at the same time such a learning period. Lately God has been giving me these amazing dreams and filling me with such a passion for His people. But at the same time Satan has been attacking me so hard...it's such a constant struggle. Sometimes I give up, and I don't stand my ground like I should, because I feel like I can't win. And then I feel so discouraged that I gave up...and I didn't fight. But I know I can win!

I just need to surrender everything to Him...which I realized I haven't done. There are things that I've been holding onto because of fear of letting it go. But everything that I don't surrender...and try to hold onto, crumbles. Because I'm trying to do it myself, instead of giving it to God. I can't hold onto anything anymore...I need to put my full trust in the Lord and know that His plans are higher than mine...and He knows everything! I don't want the things of this world anymore...those things that I won't give up...I'm done. I give it all to Him.

I can no longer let anything stand in my way of the dreams God has given me...I can't let Satan discourage me and bring me down. I need to stand no matter how hard the struggle...no matter how long...no matter what. I will not fall again and let these battles overtake me. I want to be faithful to the call placed on my life...to the person the Lord has made me to be. To the dreams the Lord gave me...to the mission He has put me on. I want to be real...passionate. I don't want to live for anything else.

So God has given me this amazing dream to lead a mission team to the red light district in Amsterdam. I went there this summer on my way to Africa. We had a really long layover and went into the city, and ended up in a red light district...with women flaunting themsleves in windows. My heart broke for these women and this city! I told my team that I wanted to go back there someday...and I feel God leading me there this coming summer.

My vision for the trip is to lead a team of men and women...women to minister to the prostitutes...and the men to minister to the men going to the prostitutes. I want to build real relationships with these men and women in Amsterdam and just love on them. I want these women to know who they truly are...beautiful...and the men to know the same. I want to see restoration...healing...empowerment...and love.

I also just want to really be interceding for Amsterdam. I want to walk around the city and pray, intercede...just let God's power come. I want to see the city restored...and revival to happen. I believe God has such a heart for this city, and wants to see them come back to Him. And I know He has called me there...and will call the people He has to this team. I am so excited to see what God has for this trip...I know it is going to be amazing.

Past

2009-07-17T01:09:00.000-07:00

Scalpel poised and ready

Incision smooth and precise

Life pours from the aperture

Heart beating under rancid flesh

The enemy’s maniacal laugh resonates through the hollow walls

Body exposed to the world

Every deep crevice revealed to the wolves

The world hisses and scoffs at the emptiness

Wounds ripped open for show

The finest production the inhabitants can fathom

A fine penny to cut in deeper

Deeper they cry, deeper

First to the heart is the diamond in the ruff

The woman lies motionless and waits

As they carve, chip, drill reaching for a part

Pieces held by many once what was whole

Never to be whole again

They dig deeper scrounging for every last bit

Eyeing in disappointment at the meager portions

The shell left emptied of its form

Light flows and scatters vultures

The carcass begins its rebirth

But they return, dig deeper

Scabs form

They’re torn open

Until one comes with the patches

Mending and reviving

Not whole or adequate, but patched and ready

Waiting for the needle and thread to complete the creation

This is a poem from my past. Let me just say that God saved me from this depression. I am amazed to read this and see where I was...and to look at who I am now. God made me so new, and He healed me...nothing else brought me to the place I am today. It was only God's love for His creation and my choice to run back into His open arms.

Kenya Part 1

2009-07-06T15:44:00.000-07:00

It has been way too long since I last wrote a blog. Last time I wrote I was in Amsterdam on my way to Kenya. Now I am back in Redding just enjoying and obligation free summer. If you want to read about our daily activities in Kenya you can go here http://eliteams.blogspot.com/2009/05/simpson-univ-09-we-are-in-kenya.html. Otherwise I won't go into the specifics of my trip but just explain what the Lord was doing in me and through my trip.

Africa was an amazing trip and it is so hard to explain everything that God did while we were there, but He blessed every part of our trip. First of all the girls that were a part of my team: Megan McCarty, Megan Flores, and Karissa Hansen were all so wonderful. We got to know each other so much better on our trip and got a lot closer as friends. We worked so well together and felt really comfortable being honest and open with each other, so we were able to work through issues easily and lean on one another in prayer. It was such a blessing to be able to have people around me that I could confide in. Not to mention that since we were able to talk with each other we were comfortable joking and just having a lot of fun.

In fact, there were a lot of jokes we took away from the trip. One of the ongoing jokes was our bathroom jokes...because we seemed to have a lot of problems in and with bathrooms. Take this video for example, of when Karissa was locked in the bathroom.

Aside from the fun and all of the jokes God revealed some amazing things to me. First of all He showed me how big He really is. I already knew He was big, but I really got to experience how big He is and how He is at work all over the world. I was able to participate in the work that God is doing on the other side of the world. It is so cool to see that God is so present and at work everywhere! There is not a place in this whole world where God is not working, and there are so many opportunities for us to join in on what is happening.

We partnered with a ministry called Empowering Lives International (ELI) and it was such a blessing to be able to help them in the work they are doing for God's kingdom. I just fell in love with the ministry and the people that are a part of it. Here is a little info about ELI:

This organization seeks to help those who are in poverty. One of the major reasons for poverty in Africa is the fact that people lack the skills, knowledge, or opportunities to succeed. ELI is working to break the cycle of poverty through the establishment of Skills for Life training centers.

In these centers people from all over Kenya come to be taught new farming methods. The ELI staff seeks to broaden the range of possibilities in farming and teach people to utilize every resource that is available to them. By introducing new farming techniques and procedures, people learn to save money and produce better crops. Since Kenya is predominantly agricultural, these skills are very useful to have.

ELI also has Alcohol Rehab programs. Alcoholism is a major issue in Africa, as many people see alcohol sales as a way to provide for their families. It is an ever growing problem for Kenya and ELI has recognized that. With the Anti-Alcoholic program ELI seeks to help alcoholics come out of their alcoholism by providing them with training through the 12-step program after a week of detox. Before sending them back out into their communities they are taught business and agricultural skills to be able to be successful.

I really enjoyed getting to know the people that work at ELI and grew to feel so at home with them. I felt like they were a part of my family and I was a part of theirs, I felt so welcomed by every person. I miss those people so much, they each have an amazing heart and passion for God's people and want to bring the love of Christ to everyone. I really love those people and I am so glad I was able to get to know them.

The part about my trip that I enjoyed the most was getting to know the people, and especially the children in the Children's Home at ELI. There were 91 beautiful children and each one is so wonderful. The way the home is set up is the children are divided into 4 famililes: each family has a set of house parents that care for the children, and each family has 12 girls and 12 boys. The family I stayed with for the time while I was there was the Nickson family. I cannot even explain how much I came to love those children. If it were possible I would have brought them all home with me. But I know that they are being loved by their house parents and the other staff at ELI.

80 percent of the children at the home were orphaned by AIDS and 2 kids are infected with HIV. The rest lost their parents from illnesses or accidents. Although these children have all gone through so much pain in their lives they are the happiest and most grateful, appreciative children I have ever met. They thank God every day for blessing them with a place to live and be cared for, and they pray for those children who aren't cared for. They really have great hearts to help others, and they all have high hopes and dreams for their futures. Some kids want to be in the Kenyan government, some want to be engineers, pilots, politicians, teachers, doctors, and so many other things. Every child has a dream for themselves, and they know that with God anything is possible. Although the odds were stacked against them, they persevered. I learned so much from the children and their attitudes and heart, and most of all the faith.

I have said a lot so far, but not everything...so in my next blog I'll continue.

Amsterdam!!

2009-05-19T03:58:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I only have a few minutes but we are randomly in an apple store in Amsterdam and there is internet so we are taking advantage of the opportunity. We have an 11 hour layover so we are exploring the city of Amsterdam and it is amazing!! We saw the Anne Frank house and the architecture here is so amazing! I can't believe I'm here...but I am! We leave tonight for Nairobi and will arrive there at about 7am tomorrow morning. Keep Praying for us as we travel but so far everything has gone smooth! Bwana Asifiwe (praise the lord in swahili)

On our way to Kenya!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

I am leaving tomorrow at 3pm for Africa. I am so excited I cannot even explain the excitement. I won't be able to write or call...basically no communication until June 17th when we arrive back the states. We will, however, be able to update our team blog about once a week with what we are doing. The blog address is www.eliteams.blogspot.com. Read our blogs and please pray for us!! Thank you everyone for all of your prayers already and it's so good to know that we are so covered in prayer back in the states. I love you all and I can't wait to come back and tell everyone about my trip and what God did!!

Training Week

2009-05-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

4 days until I leave for Kenya!!! I'm really excited and ready to go. Since Monday I have been at training week at Simpson for all of the missions teams. It has been a really good learning and growing experience while at the same time being very difficult and challenging. I have been pushed physically this week for the most part but that has really taught me a lot about endurance. We started out the week with a camping trip at Castle Crags. The first day we arrived we hiked up to one of the crags...it was about 3 miles uphill and then we had to go back down it. This hike was very difficult because I am not used to hiking uphill for that long and we also had to climb up rocks once we got closer to the top. By the end of the hike we were all extremely tired and hungry. Although it was difficult I really learned a lot about enduring. God was showing me that I need to endure through the struggle no matter how hard it is because eventually I will make it through. I also learned a lot about attitudes and choosing to have a good attitude even when you are extremely frustrated. If you choose to have a good attitude not only will your own experience be more positive, but also the people around you.

The next day we helped the park services carve out a trail for people to walk on. The day before I wondered out loud to my team "I wonder how they make these trails?"...and then the next day I found out firsthand...it's not easy. You actually dig the dirt out to make the path smooth and wide. It was hard work but we made it through. The rest of the week we have just bee spending time with God back at campus and doing team building activities. I have learned a lot about my team this week and we are beginning to work very well together.

Today is our first day where we have some rest so it has been really nice to relax my muscles finally. I am really glad that the Lord has called me to this because I love learning and being pushed out of my comfort zone to accomplish big things. The Lord is so good. I just ask that you keep me and my team in your prayers as we train and then as we travel to Kenya on Monday!!

Baptism

2009-05-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

This is my baptism...among others' as well. Amazing night.

Unleashed!

2009-04-13T23:33:00.000-07:00

This past few months have been the most amazing months and there are a few reasons why. The first reason is that I was part of a Life Group at the Stirring. The second is that I got a new boss and new responsibilities at my job. The third is that God has been calling me out and fulfilling what he had told me about 3 years ago.

So to start...3 years ago when I turned my life back to Christ and began following Him again God gave me a promise. I was really down at the time because I was struggling with how to live my new life and let go of my past. I was in class one morning and I felt so beat down and attacked that I couldn't stand it and I pulled out my bible right there in class. I was reading the Psalms when I came across Psalm 138:8 ("The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me, Your love Oh LORD endures forever. Do not abandon the works of your hands.") I felt like at that moment the Lord was giving me this verse and telling me "Elisa, I have a purpose for your life and I am faithful and will fulfill that in you. My love is sufficient for you and will never give way." At that moment a peace came over me and I knew that the Lord was doing something in me and He did have a purpose for my life.

Later I was reading the story of Moses and while reading the story of Moses being called by God the Lord told me that I was like Moses. At that time I was making excuses to the Lord of why I couldn't do what He wanted me to do. The Lord told me that my excuses are nothing and that He was going to use me in spite of what I thought my flaws were. He told me then that I would be a leader, and I would lead people to freedom like Moses did.

Although I continued to walk with Christ I also continued to struggle with my past at points and never fully gave everything over to Him. I always made excuses of why I couldn't let the Lord use me to be a leader. I told Him that I was too shy, didn't speak well, couldn't relate to people, had no influence....and the list went on. I believed so many lies about myself that it held me back from really stepping out into the role God was calling me to. It wasn't until about 6 months ago that I was truly freed from all of the lies of my past and the excuses of not being good enough to be used. Since that point the Lord has been working so much in my life.

The past 4 months or so have been some of the most challenging and yet the most rewarding. God began calling me out as a leader and putting me in positions of leadership where I had authority and influence. I had never dreamed that I would have the positions that I did. I began to realize that there was so much more in me that I could give over to the Lord. He began to reveal to me the areas in which I needed to grow as a leader and the areas in which He wanted me to step out of my comfort zone.

That's when I got into Derrick Fleck's life group of Spiritual Formation. This group has been so incredibly amazing I can't even explain it. I have formed so many new friendships and truly feel like I have made a family. I feel so at home and encouraged with these people and I love going and meeting every Monday at 7. I have learned to open up, to step out and live out the calling God has put on my life. Derrick challenged us to really reach out and he constantly spoke destiny into our lives which was so cool. I have come away from this group with so much encouragement, faith, confidence, and love. I feel so loved by these people and I have never had people speak into my life like at this group. This has really been one of the things that has pushed me forward into the spot I am at right now. I have been so challenged and have gained so much.

I have also been pushed to step out by my new boss Elizabeth Peterson. She is an amazing lady and has been such an encouragement to me. She has really been someone that has lovingly called me out as a leader and helped me to really embrace what it means to lead. She has shown me so much love and has really helped to spark such a passion in me for my school and the commuters there. I have been so incredibly challenged by this job (which doesn't feel like a "job") to grow as a leader. I have learned how to lead and be good at it. There is so much that goes into it that I never realized until now. She has also challenged me to be the spiritual leader in the commuter program as well. I am so excited for what God is doing with Simpson and with the commuter program. It has been such a blessing to be able to help build the foundations for such an amazing program.

So....all of this led to my complete surrender of everything I have to the Lord's will and the purpose that He has for me. I am tired of holding myself back because of fear that I will not do it right. So on Sunday (Easter) I got baptized at the Stirring. I felt God calling me to do this because I finally have surrendered all to Him and am ready to give up everything for Him. I feel like something so new is beginning in my life that I have never experienced before and I wanted to show everyone that I am so in love with Jesus and am dead to my old life and fully embracing the new one! It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I cannot fully describe how I felt that night that I got baptized. I was so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit and when I was in that tub I felt His presence like I never felt it before. In that moment that I went under and came up there was so much love and victory that I had never felt in my entire life like I did in that moment. And now I have such a sense of something so fresh and new beginning in my life, something so great that I cannot even fathom what it is.

That was confirmed tonight when Matt, Kendall, Niki, and Derrick prayed over me and anointed me. Matt spoke confidence over me and said that I will have confidence in the Lord and that nothing will hold me back any longer. Niki said that she felt that God was unleashing so much stuff that it was crazy, and Derrick said that I have authority to speak and that God was giving me something and I need to run with it. This all confirmed what the Lord has been speaking to me the last few months. He has been preparing me for something great, and it has now been unleashed in me and darkness better watch out! I am a warrior and I am not letting anything hold me back from running ahead full force with what the Lord has for me. I am so thankful for my life group and for these people who have spoke so much life into me.

I feel so ALIVE like I have never felt before. I am so excited for what the Lord is doing in me and I just want to shout it so loud! Thank you LORD!

My Two Decades of living

2009-03-21T01:24:00.000-07:00

I have moved out of the teenage years and have officially lived for two decades....20 years old. So much has taken place in these past two decades....I have grown into an adult and I am finally becoming the woman God created me to be. I'm figuring out who I am and how God wants to use me in this world. I've been stretched and pushed beyond my boundaries and am living in the uncomfortable. I am constantly learning how to live out this life and this call and am growing day by day. I am so excited for where these next years will take me...and what God will do. My prayer is that I will never be comfortable with this life, that I will constantly long for more, but at the same time be completely satisfied with my Lord and all that He has blessed me with. I want to live for the Kingdom...I don't want to live for this world...but I want to love this world and bring the Kingdom here. I want to learn to love the least, I want to disciple, I want to create family and community, I want to serve, I want to give hope, and I want to do it for the glory of the Lord. My prayer for my life is that I will be all consumed with a fiery passion for my Beloved. I want to see His face and I want to be His hands and feet...I want to go...send me.

Daylight Savings

2009-03-08T23:17:00.001-07:00

Oh my goodness I am sooo tired!! The loss of an hour of sleep has more of an effect than i thought...it might also have to do with the fact that I had to get up this morning at 8 (but really 7)...and I never wake up early anymore. I had to cover for a girl at the morning service for the Stirring kids. It was nice because I got to see a lot of the kids that used to go to the night service but switched to the morning...so I never see them. They remembered me too...it was great. After that I went home and took a 2 hour nap...then got up and started getting ready to go to the Stirring night service and teach the kids. I love teaching those kids...and God has really grown a passion for children in me and I really love to see them grow. I think I probably learn more from the kids than they do from me (well I hope they are learning something from me).

Then at the 7pm service Travis Osborne spoke and he was so good! I really enjoyed hearing what he had to say about the story of Jonah. The part I most connected with was when he was speaking about having God's heart for people and not making yourself better than others...but realizing that we all deserve God's grace just the same...we don't. I really want to have God's heart for everything, I want to be broken of everything that is of me and take on all that is of God. I get so tired of myself, I want to see people the way God does and have love for them like He does. It was really good. God is good.

Speaking of God...and being good...God has been answering my prayers like crazy! Even the ones I forgot I had prayed...and then He answeres them and reminds me...like "Hey remember, you prayed for this?? Duh" It's so cool, and He is continuing to grow me and push me past my boundaries into the uncomfortable...the places I never thought I'd go. It's amazing...I can't even describe it.

Oh and my mission team really needs prayer for financial provision...we didn't meet our deadline so we can't buy our plane tickets yet, which means they are going to get more expensive. It's good because we are learning to rely on God as a team and are bonding...but we need prayer. We will continue to trust though.

Also...I sold my first painting...I feel like a real artist now.

Hank III

2009-03-02T17:15:00.000-08:00

I went to the Hank III concert this weekend and it was so amazing. Best concert of my life hands down. We got a hotel room in San Francisco that was about 1 block from the venue so we could walk there. We left Saturday morning and hung out all day in SF waiting for the show. It was Kayla and I plus about 10 guys, we were the only girls but it was great.

The show started at about 8 and it went until almost 12. Hank was so awesome! He played forever...and he played his old stuff, new stuff, and Hank Sr. and Hank Jr. stuff as well. We danced the whole time...all the guys in the mosh pit were the guys we knew so Kayla and I joined in with them. It was great...I've got some bruises from it. We were also swing dancing in the mosh pit which was so much fun!! It was kind of hard because people kept knocking us down, but it was great. Just a good rowdy old time. I love Hank because he is definitely country, but he's real country...not pop country. And he's got a metal band...so country/metal...so awesome.

When the show was done we were all so tired...we went back to the room and crashed then woke up the next morning and drove home. I wish this weekend would happen all over again.

Yet Another Piercing

2009-02-25T18:32:00.000-08:00

Today I pierced my nose for the second time...I hope this time will turn out better than the last. It's a purple stud. And Chelsea also got her nose pierced...we always end up getting piercings together. We were sitting and talking at school and randomly made the decision. Partners in crime...we like to surprise people.

Other than that my week hasn't been too good. I've been so attacked and weighed down and I have no idea why. Nothing that I can think of triggered this and nothing is keeping it going, but it won't go away. I was so excited for what God was doing in my life...I feel like He is calling me out in areas that I need to grow in and shaping me to be a better leader and witness for Him. He has been laying things before me that I can work on to be the leader He has created me to be. It's been amazing...I'm doing everything wholeheartedly and really giving it my all because God has shown me to honor Him with everything I do.

But then something changed...in a moment that I can't remember. I just started feeling really discouraged about my life, and about the person that I am. I have been feeling really depressed (which I usually can counteract with the Lord's truth) but I can't. This is so heavy on me. I've been seeking the Lord, I've been crying out to Him but I don't hear anything. I've been through periods of silence with the Lord before, but that was when I was being disobedient to His call. This time I was listening to His call and was really excited about what He was going to do. I even started to get really frustrated with God, and started asking Him 'why?' But then I was reminded of the book of Job and how ridiculous God said it was that Job was asking Him why? So I know that the Lord has bigger plans for me than I can see, but it's so hard. I feel so dry, and I am so thirsty. I will continue to praise Him even though I feel like I have nothing in me to give to Him.

Growth

2009-02-17T23:51:00.001-08:00

I have been learning and growing so much these past few months...it's pretty incredible. I'm becoming comfortable with who I am and who God has made me to be, He has been calling me out in the areas of my life that I could do better in. He's been gently pushing me to really step up and into the role He has for me. At the same time I'm becoming uncomfortable and learning to break free from the unnecessary boundaries I've created for myself. I'm learning to push myself into the places I was afraid to go but need to go. I am growing so much and I am so thankful for that.

In no way can I say that it has been easy, it's been really hard but I'm learning so much from these experiences. I prayed for God to grow me and show me where I need step up in my life...and He is fully answering that prayer. It's awesome.

Maybe...

2009-02-03T00:18:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's ok when your world is shattered...maybe we need those experiences so we can lay everything down at the cross and realize we can't carry it all by ourselves. Maybe it reveals the reality of our broken world and our deep need for healing from the only unbroken being there is. Maybe our world is shattered because it needs to be, because if every piece were perfectly in place we wouldn't need to be fixed...if we didn't need to be fixed then our world would be perfect....reality is our world is not perfect and it needs to be repaired. Something which is broken can't fix anything else that is broken, so we need the unbroken...God to mend us.

The shattering of our world brings glory to the Unbroken One.

Reality

2009-01-27T00:51:00.000-08:00

It's late, I have a headache, and I just wrote a horrible essay that's due tomorrow. I am going to complain a little because I realized I only write happy blogs where everything is sunshine and smiley faces :) but that's not how my life always is...sometimes it's "I just stepped in a huge mud puddle, spilled coffee on my white shirt, 10 minutes late to class and missed a quiz" kind of life. I do love the sunshine but I've got to be real, it's not always so sunny around here.
I can't always hold myself up like everything is perfect because that's not the truth. I feel like I have to be stable and put on my happy face to be able to be there for anyone when they need it. But I really need people to be there for me sometimes. I know a lot of it is my fault because I don't tell people when I struggle because then I feel like I am being selfish by needing too much from someone else. I just cry out to God. But I know God wants me to be real with people. So here it is...realness. I'm overwhelmed and lonely. I need people and I need rest. Loneliness is not from the Lord...because He never leaves us. I need to fully take hold of this. I also need to trust that He will provide me with relationship with people. I also need to rest in Him.

LORD teach me to rest in you and trust in your provision for my life.

Gangster's Paradise

2009-01-26T00:03:00.001-08:00

The title has nothing to do with my blog...the song just happened to be on when I started the blog. ( I am listening to my 90's mix...love the 90's hits)

This past week was extremely long and busy...busiest week I've had in a really long time. I had prayed last week that God would give me things to do because I was really bored...He definitely answered my prayer. Be careful what you pray for, sometimes the answer just gets thrown at you out of nowhere, and then it hits you right in the face...hard. Ouch, that's how I feel. Thank you for slapping me in the face with answers to prayer Lord. It was busy but it was also so great...lots of growth and uncomfortableness.
Started in a life group on Monday and it was amazing, I see an amazing opportunity for growth with other people. I also studied for 8 hours.
Tuesday I had school ALL day and then we put on a worship night...amazing. The night ended with the group coming together and praying for eachother...it was powerful. God was there.
Wednesday I had work all day and went shopping for an event. It was great getting to know people. Then I had a mission team meeting...it was nice bonding with my team.
Thursday I awoke bright and early to set up for the commuter breakfast. Breakfast was great and then I had school for 9 hours. I went home and did homework.
Friday I worked all day and then went to a banquet with my mission team. It was great because I really began to feel connected to my group. We had a lot of fun. Then I got to hang out with my friend Jared.
Saturday I went to the snow and there was a crazy storm...snow was pouring down. It was great...and cold. Went to dinner with my sis and aunt Amy. Watched a great old movie. Fell asleep.
Today...relaxed!! Then went to church to hear an amazing sermon about honor. Now, I am doing homework and blogging. That was my week in a nutshell. Very jam packed but amazing. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

Newness

2009-01-18T00:11:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been uneventful so far...except I finally finished my painting!! It's my first real painting. I have always been an artist, but usually it's drawings with different types of media...this time I painted and I am so excited! I want to do it more and more so I can get better at it, and hopefully I can do something for Erase the Dark at the Stirring.

On another note I am so stoked for my Africa trip...May can't come soon enough. I feel God working in my life and preparing me for this trip. I feel like I am finally in a place in my life to be ready for something like this...I want to be pushed beyond my boundaries, I want to be uncomfortable, I want to be bold, I want to step out of my normal life and I want to embrace something completely new! I cannot wait.

A Broken Frame

2009-01-15T00:16:00.000-08:00

beaten..bruised..scarred
the scars are painful memories
tears stream down her sullen face
Fear and Shame overcome the trembling girl
Hopeless and despairing
Beauty is absent from the frame
Light is once again forgotten
Mocked..ripped open..exposed
she runs farther
looking for an exit
FALLEN...
she cannot go on

HE lifts her up from the dust
His touch heals her broken form
His breath gives a beat to her withered heart
Beauty is revived and Light shines
He calls her to come...
Stay with me, I will guide you.
You ran and I waited.
The dark smothered you, but I protected
You disowned me, and I wept.
I waited, my Love, for your return.
My heart broke, I saw your pain.
I offered healing, but you ripped open the wounds.
You fell, I picked you up.
Come home to me my Child.
Let me heal your wounds.
I will never let you go...I never did.
I will love you always.
She saw the beauty that flowed from Him
My Father, I cannot go on by myself.
The Father's arms were open wide
The broken girl ran with all her strength
She fell into his grasp

He carried her home.

Why?

2009-01-05T00:45:00.000-08:00

Why is it I desire what I can't have and don't desire what I can?? I don't know why the world is so complicated sometimes. I don't even know how to go about getting what I desire anyway...so why do I care so much? Ah!

Life and its issues.

In with the new

2009-01-02T01:55:00.000-08:00

Where did the time go?? It's 2009 already and I'm about to start my third semester of college...it feels like I just started college but it's almost halfway over.

New Year's is a funny event because it is just another day...no different really from another day of the year except the next day we are in a different year, but it's just a number really. Although it's really not anything special...it really is. New Year's marks the end of something and the beginning of something new. People feel hope as they put the year before behind them and see a new hope for the new year. Within one year so much happens and at the end we all look back and remember the year and whether it was good or bad and decide what we should change for the new year. Really it is like a clean slate, a fresh start of something new and a hope to make the coming year better than the last. The New Year is simply just another day in time... yet it has become so significant in our lives.

I look back on 2008 and it was a year of growth for me. I have learned to let go of the past and live in the present and to be content with what I have been given in this life. It was an overall good year. For this coming year of 2009 I hope to grow more and learn more. It would also be nice to finally find someone, I have been content with being single for a while now and I feel like I am finally ready to start a relationship...I just need to find that right someone. I am excited to see what this next year brings and I am thankful for the memories that the past year has brought.

Home at last

2008-12-17T22:29:00.000-08:00

I am home...well my other home, good old Rohnert Park. I made it here after all day of preparing to drive here, then actually driving here. It was a long day but I'm happy to see my family, I missed them.

I've been relaxing since school got out and it has been soooo nice...no homework, tests, papers, work...nothing...I am free, for the meantime. Crocheting has become my relaxation lately...I've been doing a lot of it, mainly to make Christmas presents but it is also very enjoyable.

Sunday at the Stirring was really good. 1. We had the kids Christmas performance...they all got up on stage and sang Christmas songs and did hand motions. It was so cute, and it went much better than last year...no kids jumping off stage or fighting on stage.

2. The message was really good. It was about making time for relationships out of your busy schedule...the busy part doesn't apply to me so much because I'm not that busy...but the part about building deep friendships did. I want to go deeper with my friendships...i don't want to be a shallow person with surface relationships. I want to really connect with people and learn to love deeply. I feel like I am so self-centered and everything I do revolves around me, but I don't want that. I want to focus on other people and building relationships and pouring into people. I want to love unconditionally like Jesus loved. I find myself being judgmental and pushing away from people. I don't want to be that kind of person. I want to be broken...I want to break for other people...I want to be broken of myself...I want to have Jesus' heart for people. I don't want my selfish heart but Jesus' loving and passionate heart.

I want to be fully broken by Jesus.

FINALS have arrived...

2008-12-10T15:18:00.000-08:00

Finals week has arrived and is now almost over. I have completed 5 out of my 6 finals and my last one is tomorrow morning. I feel pretty confident about the finals I have already done, now I'm hoping I get overall good grades.

Something I am very excited about is that I got accepted onto the Kenya summer mission team for this coming summer. I am so glad I got accepted and now I can't wait to go. I know there is going to be stress involved with the whole trip but I think it will be well worth it to be able to go to Africa. I've never been on a mission trip before and I am anxious to get a feel for it, and I'm also relieved to get out of America! I want so badly to live in another culture, and I will finally get to do that.

So yay Kenya and boo finals...but Christmas break is almost here.

School=LAME

2008-12-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

I realized I am not doing good in some of my classes...that is not good seeing how it is the end of the semester.

I failed a test...didn't turn in a few homeworks...forgot about the take home test...was absent a lot...and had no motivation to get my work done. Aaah shoooot. That's all I can say.

The stress is just beginning! FINALS next week and I have so much to do...a lot of extra credit to get my grades up.

Oh and the fun begins...why did I procrastinate???

Even better than Thanksgiving....

2008-11-29T11:51:00.000-08:00

Are the days after Thanksgiving when you get to eat leftovers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I think I look forward more to the leftovers than I do the actual meal. Turkey sandwiches with stuffing, potatoes, and yams piled on top and then pie afterward.....mmmmm. Sure you gain a few pounds, but it is so worth it.

I'm enjoying spending time with my family and just relaxing before the chaos begins. Next week is cram time for finals, and then FINALS. I feel I should be doing some schoolwork right now because it seems that everyone else is, but I don't think I have anything to do.....other than maybe studying for finals. I hope I didn't forget that I had something to do....that is very possible with my disorganized life. I will find out on Monday when I come to class with nothing to turn in and everyone else had been working all break. That seems to be happening often this semester.

Anyways....today I think I am going to relax...get some reading in...crochet a little bit...hang out with my mom before she leaves...and just enjoy the down time. It's a nice day outside so maybe I'll go outside too. I feel like keeping it low key....at least for now.

A time to be thankful

2008-11-26T19:38:00.000-08:00

I love a holiday where we reflect upon what we are thankful for...negativity fades away as we focus on the good in our lives. It ultimately brings us back to God....for all good things come from Him.

I am so thankful:

God has called me into a love relationship with Him
That i have been blessed with an amazing family
That I have support in my life
God has given me a purpose and a calling
For my community
I have a mother who is an amazing woman
God always provides for me
I have a prayer partner who walks out life with me
God has given me freedom, passion, and love

There is so much to be thankful for....we should treat every day as a holiday for thanksgiving.

2008-11-18T20:54:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago we had a commuter chapel where the commuters were in charge of running chapel. Since I am a commuter assistant I had to do a lot for the chapel. I spoke at chapel but I also made a video for the Handbook Wisdom. We were told that we had to inform the students about a rule from the Student Handbook, so we chose to do the Safety Whistle Program. We made a video about what the rule is and how you can put it into action. It was really fun to do, so I decided to share it with everyone.

Handbook Wisdom-Safety Whistle Program from Elisa McKeown on Vimeo.

Prayer Walks

2008-11-17T16:04:00.000-08:00

I feel very encouraged today. A couple of weeks ago me and my cousin Chelsea went on a prayer walk to pray for our families and our family as a whole. I feel that God has called us to come together and be in prayer for our family, and so we try and go on prayer walks often. God does crazy things within our family when we start our prayer walks. Last school year we went on prayer walks every Saturday morning, and each week we would walk for an hour or more and just lift up our family and other issues to God. He was majorly at work in our family and we saw His blessings being poured out. It was really amazing.

So anyways (I just had to explain a little before I could get to the story) we stopped doing or prayer walks for a long time because I went home for the summer, and this school year has just been so busy. But we were finally able to go a couple of weeks ago because there are some things going on in our family that definitely needed to be prayed about, and so me and Chelsea did that. Right away we saw the Lord begin to work. There is something so strong about family coming together to pray for family, it is like a double bond of strength. Every time me and Chelsea come together to pray we are dangerous!! So after we went on our first prayer walk we had been on in a while, we both began to feel very oppressed. We have both been feeling discouraged and negative and we don't have reasons to be. We realized that this started after we had gone on our prayer walk, because Satan knows that we are praying the Lord's will over our family and that is exactly what he doesn't want. So he has been on the attack! We both realized this as we were talking today and talking about experiencing the same things, so we decided it was necessary for a prayer walk. We prayed for our family and against Satan's attack and took the authority Christ gave us to stand up against Satan's schemes and be strong. When we use the authority that Christ gives us it is powerful!! Satan cannot stand against the Lord's power, and that power lives within us, so we need to use that power for the Lord's glory.

It was just a great and encouraging day and I feel free from oppression, but I am still protecting myself with the Armor of the Lord.

All Light and Fluffy

2008-10-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

I shared my testimony for the first time today in chapel at Simpson...in front of everybody. The Lord totally spoke through me and He blessed me so much through sharing my story. I was so encouraged by people who came up to me and told me that my story really touched them. One lady even told me that I am supposed to show people my freedom and share my story, and help them to find freedom as well. It was such an amazing day. Not to mention I got my hair done and it is amazing, and so is my Aunt Amy because she did a great job and we got to talk about all sorts of things. She always encourages me. So I feel an even greater sense of freedom now after sharing, I feel all light and fluffy. So I thought I would share my testimony here as well:

Today I want to share a little piece of my story with you. It is about my journey to discovering who I am and who I want to be. It is a journey that has not been at all easy, but it is the most beautiful and freeing journey I have ever been on. This journey has cost me so much, yet it is such a little price to pay for what I have got in return.

My story begins with the entering of a new and uncharted territory in my life: high school. High school became the place where I was introduced to the world and all that it had to offer. It was this time in my life that I began to think for myself and decide what I really wanted, and what I wanted was to party! I began drinking and getting high at parties with my friends. It was just an occasional thing up until my sophomore year of high school when it became a weekly habit. I would go out every night of every weekend and party with my friends. I would lie to my parents so that I could stay out all night and not come home. It was during this time that I also became sexually active. This was all normal in my group of friends, and so it is what I did. I became a person who got drunk and high, lied, cheated and stole. I let go of my morals and inhibitions and I did whatever I wanted. It was also during this time that I decided I wanted nothing to with God. To me He was non-existent, or so I told myself and so I went on with my party life for 3 years. At the end of the three years my habits had become so destructive that I became severely depressed. I was partying almost every night of the week, sleeping around, stealing all the time, and destroying the relationship with my family by being deceitful and disrespectful. I reached a very hard bottom in my life; I began to realize that the life I was living was anything but fulfilling. I became very depressed, I felt disgusting and extremely dirty. I felt as though I was the lowliest human being on the planet. I felt used, abused, discarded, and severely lonely. I was crying out for help in every way, I needed out of the hole I had dug myself into.

Then one night I encountered the love of the Holy Spirit, and my life was changed from that point on. Although I still struggled I was changed. I had grown up in the church and I had accepted the Lord as a child, but I had pushed myself away from the Lord and that night He held out His arms and He opened my eyes. He cleared away all that had been blocking me from seeing Him, for He had always been there right beside me. He had never left me, but waited patiently for when I would run into His open arms. From that point in my life I knew that the Lord loved me, and I had truly felt it. Although I continued to struggle, I could no longer ignore the Lord’s convictions. I eventually surrendered everything to Him and dedicated my life to Him. In the process I lost many of my friends, including my best friend, because the Lord knew what I could handle, and what I couldn’t. He knew I couldn’t I live a life for Him while being surrounded by my old lifestyle and the people in that. But the Lord gave me more than I could have ever asked for, he fulfilled my life. He filled that hole that I had been trying to fill with alcohol, drugs, sex, and friends. He gave me the love that I had been searching for, and he gave me a new identity. I was saved by His grace.

I have been living for the Lord ever since, but I will not tell you that is has been easy, because it has not. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, but the most rewarding. Until recently I had never truly embraced the freedom that Christ gave me the night that I gave up my old life to live a new one in Him. Christ changed me and made me a new person, He forgave me for my past mistakes and said “Elisa you are a new creation, you are not who you were.” The problem was I never truly believed this for myself. I had been living in shame for the mistakes of my past. I had felt for so long that I was worthless and deserve to feel the shame because they were my mistakes. And because I struggled so long, I would never get it right, I would always be a screw up, a failure, a nobody, a person that didn’t matter. Satan drilled these thoughts and words into my head. For so long I had let them hold me back from being who the Lord really wanted me to be. It paralyzed me with the fear of rejection because I felt like I could face no more of that in my life. But recently the Lord has shown me that I do not need to accept that shame in my life any longer. Christ did not die on the cross to take away our sins, only for us to wallow in them. Christ died so that we could have freedom from our sins, He offered us the chance to have life and have it to the fullest. Life to the fullest does not mean continually feeling shame for how we have lived our lives, full life is life found in the Lord, where we have freedom from our sins.When He forgive us He no longer looks at that sin, He forgets it. For the Lord does not care about who we were, but who we are and who He is creating us to be.

I would just like to encourage you all, if you are living in your past and holding onto your mistakes and the shame of your past, you need to let go and give it up to the Lord because He wants you to feel His freedom. It is as though you are saying to the Lord, "I know you died and took away my sins, but I am just going to hold onto the shame of those sins for a little bit but you can take the rest." It doesn't make sense, Jesus takes ALL of our sin away including the shame that goes with it. God made you a new person and He wants you to live a new life free of shame.

Some Family Additions

2008-10-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, October, 20, 2008 Danielle McKeown and Luke Green got married. We now have a new family member, and I have a brother-in-law. It was really exciting for my sister and for all of the family because she has been waiting for her wedding day her whole life (as most women do). Although they haven't had their official wedding ceremony, they are now legally married. Danielle McKeown is now Danielle Green. I was the official witness and signed the marriage license. I'm so glad I am able to be a part of my sister's life and be there on her wedding day. I can remember when we were little, we had our differences but we also got along. When we started getting older we got along really well, and I feel like she is my best friend now. I am so happy for her and Luke and I'm really excited to be a part of their lives.

Is it that time of year already?!?!

2008-10-15T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Congested head, runny nose, sore throat, aching muscles sick. It's a really bad time because I have so much to do for school....midterm, paper to write, power point presentation to make and present, not to mention a big family weekend; this is not good at all. My plan is to go to bed early and wake up feeling refreshed and healthy, at least I hope that's how it will go.

While being sick I watched the final presidential debates tonight....I know who I'm going to vote for but I don't really like either of the candidates. This is my first time to be able to vote in the presidential elections and I'm quite dissapointed in the choices. It will be very interesting to see how this election is going to turn out.

I'm going to get ready to go to bed and try to get in a little bit of homework in before I do and I hope I will feel better tomorrow morning.

My weekend of concerts, hair dye, and shopping

2008-10-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the commuter lounge right now, eating way too many peanut M&Ms that I bought last night. Today is a busy day, I have to work in the lounge until 2, then post some fliers for our events, and then go to the student senate meeting until about 6 or so. I then plan on going to the gym and after watching the Office. The amazing thing about today is that it is the last day of the week for me. We have Columbus day holiday this weekend, so we get tomorrow and Monday off from school. I am really stoked to have a 4 day weekend, but I have no idea what I am going to do with it. Here are some options I have come up with:

Stay here all weekend and do nothing! Enjoy having no school or work
Take a road trip to visit my cousin in San Francisco, then head down to Santa Rosa to visit the fam and friends

I haven't decided yet, but I probably should seeing how the weekend starts tonight. I probably will end up staying here because I haven't made any plans yet, but who knows it's always more fun to be spontaneous. We'll see what happens.

My week so far has been pretty uneventful, but this past weekend was pretty eventful. Friday night I hung out with my sister and we went shopping at Kohl's for some new clothes. We ended up getting some amazing deals! I spent $16.00 and got: $2.00 red flats, $10.00 silver flats, $4.00 black v-neck tee, and $7.00 black vest. I then got an extra 35% off all of my stuff with my sister's discount, so it ended up all costing me $16.00. We were pretty excited. The next day I went to the gym and then went and had my sister put pink in my hair again. I was getting so bored with just blonde, and it's always so much more fun to have color. Then later that night Nolan picked me up and we went to the Myriad concert, where we met up with my sister and AJ. It was a good show, and I got to see my Aunt and Uncle there as well as some friends. After the concert we went to Red Robin and ate some food, then went back to my sister's house where we hung out all night. On Sunday I did some homework, and then Chelea came over and we prayed for each other and it was so good. It is so nice to have somebody to pray with and to confide in about issues in your life. After that I had to get ready and go to church. Teaching the pre-K class was so much easier this past Sunday than it usually is. We were missing about 7 kids, so we had a much smaller number and it was so much easier to teach them because they actually listened. I think now that the morning church is starting we will continue to have a smaller class size, so it will be much better. After the kids, I went to the 7 o'clock service and my sister came with me. It was so nice to have her there. I then went home and went to bed because I was so exhausted. It was a really good weekend.

Freedom

2008-10-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

I have found the most wonderful thing this past week....freedom. The Lord has freed me from all that I have let hold me back in my life and keep me from being the woman that God has created me to be. I finally have truly embraced what it means to be free in the Lord.

I have struggled with loneliness, fear, self worth, regret, and shame for so long and I have let it take over so much of my life. I came to accept it all, and I listened to the negative words that played over and over again in my head. All of these things have held me back for so long and kept me weak and fearful, not living the life that God had intended me to live. I never felt good enough, I was never confident in myself, I never viewed myself as being worth anything. I dwelled on my past, I let it consume me. I continually felt the shame for all of my mistakes and I was regretful of the things I had done. I was hopeless, thinking that I could never get it right, that I would always be a screw up, a nobody, a nameless shadow. I felt that I somehow had brought all the pain I felt on myself for making the choices I did. I accepted the fact that I wasn't a person that mattered.

I have struggled with some of these issues my entire life, and others for the past year or so, until God showed me what He means by being free. I realized after talking to my Aunt Amy that I have allowed all of these issues to take reign in my life, and I have allowed Satan to speak those negative words into my life. Once I realized this I was able to pray against that and no longer accept those things in my life. Shame, fear, and loneliness are not of God and since they are not of God I do not have to accept them. As soon as I did that I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. I truly know what it means to have freedom in the Lord. Although these issues still come up, I don't let them have any control over my life anymore. As soon as I have a negative thought I pray over it and give it to the Lord.

I have never felt so good as I do now. I feel like I can finally become the woman that God has created me to be, and I can now love other people the way that I am supposed to love them. By letting go of all that I held onto I am free to live my life for Christ. I want Him to have all of me, I am ready to live completely and solely for Him.

Eventful

2008-10-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

I have so many things to write about today, an eventful weekend and week so far. I’m going to first start with my weekend. We went to San Francisco to surprise my cousin Alex for her birthday. It was me, My Aunt Amy, Aunt Heidi, Uncle Tim, all their children, my mom and Alex’s grandparents Dave, Donna, Willie, and Norma. It was a lot of people but it was great to have everyone there. We stayed at Haley’s house and went to the beach on Saturday morning then we got ready for Alex’s surprise birthday party which was at about 2. We had tons of food, music and awesome ice cream cake. We hung out all night long, and when it got too cold we went inside and had a dance party. We all ended up going to bed around midnight because we were so exhausted. The next morning we woke up, went to breakfast, then me and Aunt Amy drove all the way home so we could make it back in time for the Stirring. It was a great weekend overall.

Second event of my week was Women’s night for the Stirring the other night. It was a night where all the women who help out at the Stirring got together and we had a night of fellowship, worship, and prayer. It was really awesome, it was exactly what I needed and I think what a lot of other women needed as well. The Lord really freed me from the things that I have let hold me back and keep me down. He showed me that I don’t need to accept those things in my life and the Lord took them from me and I feel totally at peace. I realized that I spend so much time thinking negatively, and that is not of the Lord. God lifts us up; he doesn’t put negative words in our mind, that is the attack of Satan. God is really showing me where Satan is attacking me and I prayed over myself against that and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I am ready to be the woman that God has created me to be.

Lastly, I drove to school yesterday morning and got out of my car only to realize that I had a flat tire…..oh joy. Thankfully I have some really awesome friends who know how to take a tire off of a car and are nice enough to drive me to Les Schwab to get it fixed. They really are amazing.

Procrastination and Parties

2008-09-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

So far this year I am not doing good with keeping up on my assignments. My first test in statistics I completely forgot about, I didn't even read the chapter or do the homework so I was unaware of what the test was on. Thankfully it was on the easiest subject, organizing data in graphs, which I have learned many times growing up. I ended up getting a B on the test, so that was a relief. That was the first test I forgot about, then there was my Intro to Business quiz. I have no idea what i got on that one but I'm hoping for something good. I forgot to do 2 homework assignments in faith and culture class, which hopefully won't have much of an effect on my overall grade. Then this week I procrastinated, i have a test in Psychology Friday, a paper due tomorrow, I had a take-home test due today along with 2 other major homework assignments, and i got more homework assigned today. The point of all this is to say that I need to stop procrastinating and become more organized. The first thing I will do: buy a planner. I'm trying to organize my life so I won't be so forgetful of important events, and I think a planner is what I need. I don't know why it's so hard for me to stay on top of things, but I'm going to work on it.

On a better note this weekend was really great. My mom came up to visit because there were 2 family birthdays this weekend, one Friday and one on Saturday. Friday night was my Aunt Heidi's birthday party at Logan's. The whole family was there and we ate, laughed, and had good conversation. I love being with my family, they are always so much fun.

Sydnie with the silly glasses

Aunt Heidi and Aunt Amy

Aunt Heidi, Grandma, and Aunt Amy

My sister and I

Aunt Amy the cake hoarder

On Saturday we had a birthday party for the twins which was a Hawaiian Luau party with lots of decorations and good food. It was a really fun day because once again the whole family was there (including my mom) and some good friends. We got to hang out and eat and just have a nice day outside in the sun. It was a good party and I think that the twins had a lot of fun, and Aunt Amy did such a great job putting it together.

Jared and his balloons

Chelsea, Simeon, and Nolan

Grandma

Chelsea

Our colorful drinks with twisty straws

Sydnie and Senele with their amazing cakes

Dan the Hula Man

Senele

Mom

So an overall good weekend, ending with church on Sunday. I taught the kids on Sunday and there was a new little boy who came, and he cried hysterically the entire time. I couldn't put him down or else he would ball even more, and he didn't want anything. It was difficult because I had a class full of 19 other kids who I needed to be watching. It was a somewhat stressful night with the kids, there are just so many of them now. Hopefully when the new church is planted there will be less kids coming to the night service.

Lastly, season 3 of Heroes on Monday was amazing and I can't wait until next week.

Current Happenings....

2008-09-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

I've started some guitar lessons again, taught by my awesome friend Jared. They're going pretty good so far, I can play a few chords, it's not much but I've just started. I hope to learn to play fairly well, it's nice to have another creative outlet.

I've moved back to my grandparents house for the time being. They came home from vacation and really wanted me to come back to stay, so I'm back with them but will be moving back in with Chelsea in a few weeks when they leave again.

I just started watching the 1st season of Heroes. I'm going out of order, I started with the 2nd season and now am watching the 1st season, but it's kind of cool to see the characters already developed, and then go back and see how it all happened. But at the same time the 2nd season would have made so much more sense had I already seen the first season. As long as I figure it all out before the 3rd season, I'm good.

The Commuter Assistant job is going really well, it's not very hard at all and it's actually been really fun. We have to put on a commuter chapel in October (where commuters run the chapel) and I am supposed to speak. I'm supposed to give a testimony or talk about something that God has done in my life. I don't really know what I'm gonna speak about, but I'm going to pray about it and see what God wants me to talk on. We're also getting all of our events for the year planned out so we can get them approved by senate. It's really going to be a fun year! I've already met a lot of new and old commuter students, so it's good that we're starting to build a community.

This picture is of our commuter fridge and what somebody wrote on it:

This is what it was supposed to say:

I went to the gym tonight and worked out and I feel great! I finally had the time to go, so I went and I'm glad I did. My goal is to start going at least 3 times a week but hopefully I'll be able to go 5 times a week.

I took some pictures today of the new puppy Gracie and my cousin Lauren. It was a fun photoshoot, we enjoyed ourselves.

2 awesome shows in 2 nights makes for 1 amazing weekend

2008-09-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

This weekend was pretty much amazing. David Allen Coe on Friday and New Found Glory on Saturday. I'm really tired and really sore but it was so worth it!!

NFG was just as good as they have always been. Me and Kayla went together to the show and ended up seeing a lot of people we knew. We didn't really care about the other bands that were playing, we were just there to see NFG. I got so beat up at the show. Me and Kayla went to the very front for NFG and I now have bruises everywhere, a swollen ankle, and my muscles ache. I got stepped on a lot and kicked in the head by some crowd surfers, but that didn't even matter because New Found Glory was so amazing. At the beginning of the show I was completely dry, and afterward I was soaking wet with other people's sweat......it was intense. But that's really the only way to see NFG, is to get right in the action. I wasn't able to get any good pictures though because I couldn't bring my camera in and my phone doesn't take very good action pictures. I did manage to get a few though.

After the show was over, we went back to Kayla's and I showered and then went to my friend Amanda's birthday party. I didn't end up going to bed until about 4 that night, it was a long and very spectacular night.

A little vacation

2008-09-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

I'm in Rohnert Park right now at my parents house just hanging out. Me, my mom, and my mom's friend Jackie went garage saleing this morning and I got some awesome stuff! I got this amazing beaded, vintage sweater for 5 dollars, and I got Sweeney Todd and Smokin' Aces for 5 dollars. Great finds I would say. I love garage sales, you can find some amazing stuff sometimes.

My dad is barbequeing salmon for me tonight because I love salmon and I love barbeque, so it's going to be a great night. It's been fun to see my family and just get to hang out with them.

Also, I went to the David Allan Coe concert last night and it was great! He was so good and it was really fun. Tonight is the NFG concert which i am really stoked about, so I'll write later about how it goes.

My week so far

2008-09-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

My week has been really long. The past few days I've been going non-stop from 6:30 a.m. until about 6 p.m. Then I have homework to do. I have to do that all over again today as well. I'm pretty tired, but I'm really enjoying this school year so far. We've actually started learning things in class, and I really like all my classes.

I'm "working" right now, meaning I have to staff the commuter lounge. Pretty much I just have to sit in here and talk to people who come and go. It's really easy and nice because I can do homework.

Tomorrow I'm going home to Rohnert Park for the weekend. My best friend Kayla and I bought tickets a while ago to two concerts that are both happening this weekend in the same place. Tomorrow night we are going to see David Allan Coe, a country singer, and on Saturday night we're going to see one of our long time favorite bands, New Found Glory. We're really excited, and I'm glad I get to have a break from work and school. It will also be nice to see my family. Hopefully I won't get too much homework for the weekend.

I'll tell you all how the concerts go and I'll post some pictures after the weekend.

A new chapter.....

2008-09-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to try out blogging. I've never done it before, but I figured I would try it and see how it goes. I occasionally write in a journal, so I thought, "Hey why not try blogging?" So here I am.

In my life as of now I have just started my second year at Simpson. I have a new on-campus job as a commuter assistant which I have really enjoyed so far. The job is only 10 hours a week, but I think that's all I can really handle considering I'm taking 19 units this semester. This is new for me because the most units I have taken in a semester has been 13. I might end up regretting this, because I already have so much homework!! Hopefully though it will be worth it in the end and I will be caught up in my units.

I also just started helping out again with the kids at the Stirring teaching the 3 year-kindergarten class. I've really missed doing this because the kids are so awesome! I'm really excited for what this year has in store with the kids. I also missed hearing the messages every week at the Stirring. Sunday night the message was "We Love" and it was all about loving God with everything that we have in us, and stripping ourselves of our pride and shame to just worship the Lord. God was really working in me that night. I had so much anger in me towards certain people and the Lord just showed me I need to love them and pray for them, and as soon as I did that the Lord took the anger from me. It was an overall great night and I am so thankful to be back.

I am currently living with my cousin Chelsea because my grandparents have been gone for a couple weeks, and that has been great! Even though are schedules are both crazy, and we don't see each other too much, it's been really fun. This weekend we watched season 2 of Heroes, which I had never watched before. After watching the whole season I am addicted, it's so good! I'm really excited for the third season to start.

So that's is my life as of now, and hopefully I will write often after this.