God is crazy.

It's been three years since my last blog. Life got nuts and I forgot about the joy that comes from blogging. Reading through my old blogs made me realize how much mental processing I did while I wrote. So I've decided to pick it up again. Granted I may not write as frequently considering the fact that I am now a mother and wife and just busy with life! (that rhymed ha) Anyways, I'm going to try to be consistent with this in my life.

So my title to this blog: God is crazy. This is my life in a nutshell. I have been praying for months now for God to ignite Jared and I's passion again and to really use our family in a big way. Me and Jared also started praying big prayers. We thought...why pray for mediocre things or for just what we need to get by. Why not go for it and ask God for things that seem crazy? Isn't He big enough to answer those prayers too? The answer is yes. Little did we know that when you pray big and start asking God to do big things with your life that he really does it. And He does it in ways that you never would have imagined. The thing is though is you have to say YES.

This concept of just say yes to God is not new. I've always heard it in church and talked about it with friends, but its a different story to live that out as a lifestyle. But since we decided to pray big we decided to live a lifestyle of YES. I'm convinced that as christians we miss out on so much of what God has for us because we refuse to be obedient to Him and say yes to what he has for us. God wants our yes but if we refuse him he will choose another that will say yes to him. How many things in my life have i missed because i refused to be obedient? ive decided that i dont want to miss a single thing God has for us any longer. My attitude is yes. But with that yes has to come trust. Because we as a family said yes to a crazy calling God had for us and it is in no way easy. With a yes life comes a life of trusting God as well. Thats the only way to live a yes life.So when you say yes and you trust God get ready for things to get crazy! God loves it when his children are obedient to him and he then just starts entrusting things to you that you never thought would be possible. He blesses your life in incredible ways. In no way do you say yes to God and then he just says "cool have fun with that." He is so thrilled!! He just dumps blessings on you because He is so excited. And it is incredible. While my life is going to be more challenging, with it comes more joy than i know what to do with. So be obedient...it is soooooo worth it.

Love

sometimes causes heartbreak. My heart is so broken for the people that I love. It makes me think of God and how His heart is constantly broken for His people because He loves us so much. There are times when I feel like I can't handle the heartbreak that comes with loving people so much...but then I remember how God sent His one son to die because is heart was broken for the ones He loved and He wanted them back...it reminds me that God put this love in my heart for a reason, because the people I love are the same people that He loves...but way more.

So I am thankful that my heart breaks for the people I love because God's heart breaks too...and I just want more of His heart for His people. I want to love them like He does. I want to be broken because of love.

Amsterdam!

I know it's been a while since my last post...so let me sum up the last couple months: joyful, surprising, busy, stressful, growing, amazing, encouraging, blessed. In a nutshell.

Now to the present....AMSTERDAM. I've been here now for over a week and I absolutely love it here. It took me a matter of days to feel at home in this place and welcomed by the people here at YWAM De Poort. I can't explain all of the amazing things that have happened since we have been here and all that God has been showing me, but I can say that this trip has already changed my life and I feel so blessed to be able to be here in this moment.

When we first arrived to the YWAM base it was very stressful. There was no real schedule and there was a lot of miscommunications. However, the first week, while stressful, was also stretching and a time of immense growth for the whole team. I think I learned and grew more in the last week than I have in the last year. It was an amazing time of getting to know the Dutch culture, the city, and the people here. We have built so many amazing relationships so far and we just love the people we are able to work with every day.

I have realized in my time here so far that I love to be in cross-cultural settings. I know I want to do missions, but since being here God has really confirmed that desire in me and has really shown me the ways in which I was made to do this. It's like God made me just the way He did in order to do this type of work that He called me to. I can't explain the feeling I have being here, I just feel a peace and I know I am exactly where God wants me to be. So this trip personally has been so confirming and amazing.

One of the best nights by far since we have been here was being able to attend a women's group at the Lighthouse. The Lighthouse ministry focuses on the Red Light District and the women working in the windows. They hold a bible study every monday with women that they have built relationships with that have either come out of prostitution or are still in it. We were able to cook for the women in the group on monday and join them for dinner. Although we couldn't communicate with the women (they all spoke spanish because they are from the Dominican Republic) we were able to just greet them and be in their presence and learn about them (with the help of some translating).

After dinner there was a time of worship and the leaders of the Lighthouse asked us to do prophetic painting for the 4 women at the group. So...during the worship Natalie, Hannah, Heather, and I each chose one women and prayed for them during worship and then painted a picture for them according to what God had laid on our hearts for the women. At the end, we were able to present the paintings to each woman and explain what God was speaking to them through the painting. It was an incredibly amazing and humbling time to be able to speak into the women's lives. God opened up the opportunity for us to tell these women exactly how the Lord felt about them. It was so amazing. It was a humbling time because when you meet these women you realize all of the stereotypes you carry towards women with the title "prostitute" and how when you meet the women all of those are shattered. Each of these women are beautiful creations of the Lord and who am I to judge them in any way? Who am I to say that they need this or that? I am just as broken of a human as they are. Being in the same room with all of the women made me see that we are all the same in the eyes of the Lord, we are women who hurt, who love, laugh, and cry. A title or description does not define who we are. We are children of God.

Needless to say that night was one of the most impactful nights of my life and so humbling. I am so excited to see what else God has ins tore for us as we are here and I am so ready to abandon everything to serve Him completely!

Irresistible Revolution

Let's just scratch the last entry I wrote. No sooner had I written that blog that God quickly reminded me why I am where I am and what my purpose is.

I finally started reading Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne (after a year of wanting to read it but never getting around to it) and it has reminded me of my passions and the reason God gave me those passions. If I had read this book a few years ago it would have completely wrecked me...turned everything I knew and thought upside down to reveal a reality about who Jesus is and who as Christians we are called to be. I feel like I have already been wrecked in that area...but I too often forget that. This book is "re-wrecking" my life. It is bringing me back to the place when God first got a hold of my heart and set me on fire for Him...gave me such an unsettling in my soul to do something more...not be be more or accomplish more, but that there was so much more to following Jesus than church on Sunday nights (or morning); that we are called to love and to serve the least of these...that we are feeding Jesus, clothing him, serving him. "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." (Matt. 25:40)

I cannot forget the reason Jesus called us...I cannot live as though the bible is a "guideline" to follow when my own way gets lost...I want it to be my life, my soul, my food and shelter. I want to live the bible and see it happen...not just read about what Jesus did...do what Jesus did. "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these..." (John 14:12) I want this to be what defines my life. I want to love like Jesus loved...I want to hold nothing back from serving Him.

"Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, 'You tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet.'"

-Irresistible Revolution

Life. Right Now.

"The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row. It seems farther than ever before. I need you so much closer. So come on." -Death Cab

This defines my life right now. I have no idea where I'm at and I feel so far away from where I'm supposed to be. I've lost sight of the purpose for what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

I need to see clearly...but I don't know how.

Fevers and Coughs

This title sums up my entire week. I've been sick since Tuesday night after the David Crowder concert, which was amazing, and am still fighting it!

I woke up Wednesday morning with a fever and then developed a cough and a stuffy nose. I stayed home from school all day Wednesday and had to cancel life group. I was feeling better when the night came around but then I woke up in the morning to an even worse fever! It was horrible...my whole body was on fire. So I skipped yet another day of school. I watched movies and the seasons of Greek all day. I went to bed Thursday night with a horrible fever...but by the morning it had gone away! I was excited because I thought maybe I would be able to go to the big event at Simpson, Airband. Only to be surprised around 6 o' clock by another fever! Ugh...I hate being sick.

I'm now sitting home on a Friday evening missing the big event. I've also missed 3 days of school and 2 quizzes...only 1 of which I can make up. I hate being sick! I just want to feel better and be able to leave thise house and get off the couch. I have'nt been this sick in a really long time...dang flu. I'm really hoping that I will be better by the time Monday rolls around so that I don't miss any more school. That would be wonderful.

Sex Trafficking

I just watched a 45 minute video on sex-trafficking in the Netherlands, Japan, Jamaica, and the U.S. It focused on those four countries for the concern of the documentary but it is informational about sex trafficking all over the world.

This video broke my heart but it set me on fire to bring change to this issue...in whatever way I can and right now that way is praying. I think some people tend to underestimate the power of prayer...but it is so extremely powerful. I believe that through prayer situations begin to change.

What God really put on my heart through this video was to really start praying for the men in this world...the buyers in the sex industry, the men who run the brothels, the loverboys who manipulate woman into prostitution, the pimps. i have such a burden to pray for them...because without demand for these women, the industry wouldn't be so big. Without the men behind the business to traffic these women, there wouldn't be so many being brought into the world of prostitution. It makes me so sad that this is such a huge multi-billion dollar industry...and that means there are that many people paying for these prostitutes! It's so sad...and so far from what is supposed to be.

The other thing that really makes me sad is that it is becoming so much more acceptable to do these things. It's legal in Amsterdam...it's not legal here but believe it or not there are tens of thousands of women trafficked into the US every year. And many more women already in the US who are in prostitution. Everywhere you go there are adult stores...filled with porn of young women showing themselves off to the world. Yes...some choose to do it, but does that make it ok? Does that mean that they are not going to come out of it down the road and realize how damaging it truly was? And the men! So many men think it's ok to look at porn...no big deal. It is a huge deal! Huge. Men need to step up. The men in our world need to be challenged to be real men like God created them to be. I'm not talking about ALL men...but so many men in this world.

Ok...for example. Most often the only type of punishment that takes place in the world of prostitution is that the prostitutes are the ones to be arrested...whether they are doing it by their own choice or being forced. And the pimps who take every penny the woman makes and uses it to barely supply the woman's needs, but pockets the rest? What happens to him? And the man paying for the prostitute...what about him? It's so warped...it's so sad.

I want to see men standing up and saying that they won't tolerate that anymore...that they will take a stand and be the one to go out and minister to these men. To bring the change. To pray for this issue. I am so burdened by this issue. I am going to pray until God tells me to go...and then I'll go but I'll keep praying.

I believe that God will hear my cries for this...and I think that change will come. God will bring a revolution...men will turn back to Him and step up like never before. I believe this and I am praying for this. Anything is possible through Christ. He is the victor...Satan may be the ruler of the world...but God is KING. He is Lord over all, and Satan will not win over these men...they are God's and God will reclaim them.

"For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is His name-the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth." Isaiah 54:5

www.enddemand.org