It's late, I have a headache, and I just wrote a horrible essay that's due tomorrow. I am going to complain a little because I realized I only write happy blogs where everything is sunshine and smiley faces :) but that's not how my life always is...sometimes it's "I just stepped in a huge mud puddle, spilled coffee on my white shirt, 10 minutes late to class and missed a quiz" kind of life. I do love the sunshine but I've got to be real, it's not always so sunny around here.
I can't always hold myself up like everything is perfect because that's not the truth. I feel like I have to be stable and put on my happy face to be able to be there for anyone when they need it. But I really need people to be there for me sometimes. I know a lot of it is my fault because I don't tell people when I struggle because then I feel like I am being selfish by needing too much from someone else. I just cry out to God. But I know God wants me to be real with people. So here it is...realness. I'm overwhelmed and lonely. I need people and I need rest. Loneliness is not from the Lord...because He never leaves us. I need to fully take hold of this. I also need to trust that He will provide me with relationship with people. I also need to rest in Him.
LORD teach me to rest in you and trust in your provision for my life.
Gangster's Paradise
The title has nothing to do with my blog...the song just happened to be on when I started the blog. ( I am listening to my 90's mix...love the 90's hits)
This past week was extremely long and busy...busiest week I've had in a really long time. I had prayed last week that God would give me things to do because I was really bored...He definitely answered my prayer. Be careful what you pray for, sometimes the answer just gets thrown at you out of nowhere, and then it hits you right in the face...hard. Ouch, that's how I feel. Thank you for slapping me in the face with answers to prayer Lord. It was busy but it was also so great...lots of growth and uncomfortableness.
Started in a life group on Monday and it was amazing, I see an amazing opportunity for growth with other people. I also studied for 8 hours.
Tuesday I had school ALL day and then we put on a worship night...amazing. The night ended with the group coming together and praying for eachother...it was
powerful. God was there.
Wednesday I had work all day and went shopping for an event. It was great getting to know people. Then I had a mission team meeting...it was nice bonding with my team.
Thursday I awoke bright and early to set up for the commuter breakfast. Breakfast was great and then I had school for 9 hours. I went home and did homework.
Friday I worked all day and then went to a banquet with my mission team. It was great because I really began to feel connected to my group. We had a lot of fun. Then I got to hang out with my friend Jared.
Saturday I went to the snow and there was a crazy storm...snow was pouring down. It was great...and cold. Went to dinner with my sis and aunt Amy. Watched a great old movie. Fell asleep.
Today...relaxed!! Then went to church to hear an amazing sermon about honor. Now, I am doing homework and blogging. That was my week in a nutshell. Very jam packed but amazing. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.
This past week was extremely long and busy...busiest week I've had in a really long time. I had prayed last week that God would give me things to do because I was really bored...He definitely answered my prayer. Be careful what you pray for, sometimes the answer just gets thrown at you out of nowhere, and then it hits you right in the face...hard. Ouch, that's how I feel. Thank you for slapping me in the face with answers to prayer Lord. It was busy but it was also so great...lots of growth and uncomfortableness.
Started in a life group on Monday and it was amazing, I see an amazing opportunity for growth with other people. I also studied for 8 hours.
Tuesday I had school ALL day and then we put on a worship night...amazing. The night ended with the group coming together and praying for eachother...it was
powerful. God was there.Wednesday I had work all day and went shopping for an event. It was great getting to know people. Then I had a mission team meeting...it was nice bonding with my team.
Thursday I awoke bright and early to set up for the commuter breakfast. Breakfast was great and then I had school for 9 hours. I went home and did homework.
Friday I worked all day and then went to a banquet with my mission team. It was great because I really began to feel connected to my group. We had a lot of fun. Then I got to hang out with my friend Jared.
Saturday I went to the snow and there was a crazy storm...snow was pouring down. It was great...and cold. Went to dinner with my sis and aunt Amy. Watched a great old movie. Fell asleep.
Today...relaxed!! Then went to church to hear an amazing sermon about honor. Now, I am doing homework and blogging. That was my week in a nutshell. Very jam packed but amazing. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.
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Monday, January 26, 2009
Newness
This weekend has been uneventful so far...except I finally finished my painting!! It's my first real painting. I have always been an artist, but usually it's drawings with different types of media...this time I painted and I am so excited! I want to do it more and more so I can get better at it, and hopefully I can do something for Erase the Dark at the Stirring.
On another note I am so stoked for my Africa trip...May can't come soon enough. I feel God working in my life and preparing me for this trip. I feel like I am finally in a place in my life to be ready for something like this...I want to be pushed beyond my boundaries, I want to be uncomfortable, I want to be bold, I want to step out of my normal life and I want to embrace something completely new! I cannot wait.
On another note I am so stoked for my Africa trip...May can't come soon enough. I feel God working in my life and preparing me for this trip. I feel like I am finally in a place in my life to be ready for something like this...I want to be pushed beyond my boundaries, I want to be uncomfortable, I want to be bold, I want to step out of my normal life and I want to embrace something completely new! I cannot wait.
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Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Broken Frame
beaten..bruised..scarred
the scars are painful memories
tears stream down her sullen face
Fear and Shame overcome the trembling girl
Hopeless and despairing
Beauty is absent from the frame
Light is once again forgotten
Mocked..ripped open..exposed
she runs farther
looking for an exit
FALLEN...
she cannot go on
HE lifts her up from the dust
His touch heals her broken form
His breath gives a beat to her withered heart
Beauty is revived and Light shines
He calls her to come...
Stay with me, I will guide you.
You ran and I waited.
The dark smothered you, but I protected
You disowned me, and I wept.
I waited, my Love, for your return.
My heart broke, I saw your pain.
I offered healing, but you ripped open the wounds.
You fell, I picked you up.
Come home to me my Child.
Let me heal your wounds.
I will never let you go...I never did.
I will love you always.
She saw the beauty that flowed from Him
My Father, I cannot go on by myself.
The Father's arms were open wide
The broken girl ran with all her strength
She fell into his grasp
He carried her home.
the scars are painful memories
tears stream down her sullen face
Fear and Shame overcome the trembling girl
Hopeless and despairing
Beauty is absent from the frame
Light is once again forgotten
Mocked..ripped open..exposed
she runs farther
looking for an exit
FALLEN...
she cannot go on
HE lifts her up from the dust
His touch heals her broken form
His breath gives a beat to her withered heart
Beauty is revived and Light shines
He calls her to come...
Stay with me, I will guide you.
You ran and I waited.
The dark smothered you, but I protected
You disowned me, and I wept.
I waited, my Love, for your return.
My heart broke, I saw your pain.
I offered healing, but you ripped open the wounds.
You fell, I picked you up.
Come home to me my Child.
Let me heal your wounds.
I will never let you go...I never did.
I will love you always.
She saw the beauty that flowed from Him
My Father, I cannot go on by myself.
The Father's arms were open wide
The broken girl ran with all her strength
She fell into his grasp
He carried her home.
1 comments
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Why?
Why is it I desire what I can't have and don't desire what I can?? I don't know why the world is so complicated sometimes. I don't even know how to go about getting what I desire anyway...so why do I care so much? Ah!
Life and its issues.
Life and its issues.
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Monday, January 5, 2009
In with the new
Where did the time go?? It's 2009 already and I'm about to start my third semester of college...it feels like I just started college but it's almost halfway over.
New Year's is a funny event because it is just another day...no different really from another day of the year except the next day we are in a different year, but it's just a number really. Although it's really not anything special...it really is. New Year's marks the end of something and the beginning of something new. People feel hope as they put the year before behind them and see a new hope for the new year. Within one year so much happens and at the end we all look back and remember the year and whether it was good or bad and decide what we should change for the new year. Really it is like a clean slate, a fresh start of something new and a hope to make the coming year better than the last. The New Year is simply just another day in time... yet it has become so significant in our lives.
I look back on 2008 and it was a year of growth for me. I have learned to let go of the past and live in the present and to be content with what I have been given in this life. It was an overall good year. For this coming year of 2009 I hope to grow more and learn more. It would also be nice to finally find someone, I have been content with being single for a while now and I feel like I am finally ready to start a relationship...I just need to find that right someone. I am excited to see what this next year brings and I am thankful for the memories that the past year has brought.
New Year's is a funny event because it is just another day...no different really from another day of the year except the next day we are in a different year, but it's just a number really. Although it's really not anything special...it really is. New Year's marks the end of something and the beginning of something new. People feel hope as they put the year before behind them and see a new hope for the new year. Within one year so much happens and at the end we all look back and remember the year and whether it was good or bad and decide what we should change for the new year. Really it is like a clean slate, a fresh start of something new and a hope to make the coming year better than the last. The New Year is simply just another day in time... yet it has become so significant in our lives.
I look back on 2008 and it was a year of growth for me. I have learned to let go of the past and live in the present and to be content with what I have been given in this life. It was an overall good year. For this coming year of 2009 I hope to grow more and learn more. It would also be nice to finally find someone, I have been content with being single for a while now and I feel like I am finally ready to start a relationship...I just need to find that right someone. I am excited to see what this next year brings and I am thankful for the memories that the past year has brought.
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Friday, January 2, 2009
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