Yet Another Piercing

Today I pierced my nose for the second time...I hope this time will turn out better than the last. It's a purple stud. And Chelsea also got her nose pierced...we always end up getting piercings together. We were sitting and talking at school and randomly made the decision. Partners in crime...we like to surprise people.

Other than that my week hasn't been too good. I've been so attacked and weighed down and I have no idea why. Nothing that I can think of triggered this and nothing is keeping it going, but it won't go away. I was so excited for what God was doing in my life...I feel like He is calling me out in areas that I need to grow in and shaping me to be a better leader and witness for Him. He has been laying things before me that I can work on to be the leader He has created me to be. It's been amazing...I'm doing everything wholeheartedly and really giving it my all because God has shown me to honor Him with everything I do.

But then something changed...in a moment that I can't remember. I just started feeling really discouraged about my life, and about the person that I am. I have been feeling really depressed (which I usually can counteract with the Lord's truth) but I can't. This is so heavy on me. I've been seeking the Lord, I've been crying out to Him but I don't hear anything. I've been through periods of silence with the Lord before, but that was when I was being disobedient to His call. This time I was listening to His call and was really excited about what He was going to do. I even started to get really frustrated with God, and started asking Him 'why?' But then I was reminded of the book of Job and how ridiculous God said it was that Job was asking Him why? So I know that the Lord has bigger plans for me than I can see, but it's so hard. I feel so dry, and I am so thirsty. I will continue to praise Him even though I feel like I have nothing in me to give to Him.

Growth

I have been learning and growing so much these past few months...it's pretty incredible. I'm becoming comfortable with who I am and who God has made me to be, He has been calling me out in the areas of my life that I could do better in. He's been gently pushing me to really step up and into the role He has for me. At the same time I'm becoming uncomfortable and learning to break free from the unnecessary boundaries I've created for myself. I'm learning to push myself into the places I was afraid to go but need to go. I am growing so much and I am so thankful for that.

In no way can I say that it has been easy, it's been really hard but I'm learning so much from these experiences. I prayed for God to grow me and show me where I need step up in my life...and He is fully answering that prayer. It's awesome.

Maybe...

Maybe it's ok when your world is shattered...maybe we need those experiences so we can lay everything down at the cross and realize we can't carry it all by ourselves. Maybe it reveals the reality of our broken world and our deep need for healing from the only unbroken being there is. Maybe our world is shattered because it needs to be, because if every piece were perfectly in place we wouldn't need to be fixed...if we didn't need to be fixed then our world would be perfect....reality is our world is not perfect and it needs to be repaired. Something which is broken can't fix anything else that is broken, so we need the unbroken...God to mend us.

The shattering of our world brings glory to the Unbroken One.