My Two Decades of living
I have moved out of the teenage years and have officially lived for two decades....20 years old. So much has taken place in these past two decades....I have grown into an adult and I am finally becoming the woman God created me to be. I'm figuring out who I am and how God wants to use me in this world. I've been stretched and pushed beyond my boundaries and am living in the uncomfortable. I am constantly learning how to live out this life and this call and am growing day by day. I am so excited for where these next years will take me...and what God will do. My prayer is that I will never be comfortable with this life, that I will constantly long for more, but at the same time be completely satisfied with my Lord and all that He has blessed me with. I want to live for the Kingdom...I don't want to live for this world...but I want to love this world and bring the Kingdom here. I want to learn to love the least, I want to disciple, I want to create family and community, I want to serve, I want to give hope, and I want to do it for the glory of the Lord. My prayer for my life is that I will be all consumed with a fiery passion for my Beloved. I want to see His face and I want to be His hands and feet...I want to go...send me.
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Saturday, March 21, 2009
Daylight Savings
Oh my goodness I am sooo tired!! The loss of an hour of sleep has more of an effect than i thought...it might also have to do with the fact that I had to get up this morning at 8 (but really 7)...and I never wake up early anymore. I had to cover for a girl at the morning service for the Stirring kids. It was nice because I got to see a lot of the kids that used to go to the night service but switched to the morning...so I never see them. They remembered me too...it was great. After that I went home and took a 2 hour nap...then got up and started getting ready to go to the Stirring night service and teach the kids. I love teaching those kids...and God has really grown a passion for children in me and I really love to see them grow. I think I probably learn more from the kids than they do from me (well I hope they are learning something from me).
Then at the 7pm service Travis Osborne spoke and he was so good! I really enjoyed hearing what he had to say about the story of Jonah. The part I most connected with was when he was speaking about having God's heart for people and not making yourself better than others...but realizing that we all deserve God's grace just the same...we don't. I really want to have God's heart for everything, I want to be broken of everything that is of me and take on all that is of God. I get so tired of myself, I want to see people the way God does and have love for them like He does. It was really good. God is good.
Speaking of God...and being good...God has been answering my prayers like crazy! Even the ones I forgot I had prayed...and then He answeres them and reminds me...like "Hey remember, you prayed for this?? Duh" It's so cool, and He is continuing to grow me and push me past my boundaries into the uncomfortable...the places I never thought I'd go. It's amazing...I can't even describe it.
Oh and my mission team really needs prayer for financial provision...we didn't meet our deadline so we can't buy our plane tickets yet, which means they are going to get more expensive. It's good because we are learning to rely on God as a team and are bonding...but we need prayer. We will continue to trust though.
Also...I sold my first painting...I feel like a real artist now.
Then at the 7pm service Travis Osborne spoke and he was so good! I really enjoyed hearing what he had to say about the story of Jonah. The part I most connected with was when he was speaking about having God's heart for people and not making yourself better than others...but realizing that we all deserve God's grace just the same...we don't. I really want to have God's heart for everything, I want to be broken of everything that is of me and take on all that is of God. I get so tired of myself, I want to see people the way God does and have love for them like He does. It was really good. God is good.
Speaking of God...and being good...God has been answering my prayers like crazy! Even the ones I forgot I had prayed...and then He answeres them and reminds me...like "Hey remember, you prayed for this?? Duh" It's so cool, and He is continuing to grow me and push me past my boundaries into the uncomfortable...the places I never thought I'd go. It's amazing...I can't even describe it.
Oh and my mission team really needs prayer for financial provision...we didn't meet our deadline so we can't buy our plane tickets yet, which means they are going to get more expensive. It's good because we are learning to rely on God as a team and are bonding...but we need prayer. We will continue to trust though.
Also...I sold my first painting...I feel like a real artist now.
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Sunday, March 8, 2009
Hank III
I went to the Hank III concert this weekend and it was so amazing. Best concert of my life hands down. We got a hotel room in San Francisco that was about 1 block from the venue so we could walk there. We left Saturday morning and hung out all day in SF waiting for the show. It was Kayla and I plus about 10 guys, we were the only girls but it was great.
The show started at about 8 and it went until almost 12. Hank was so awesome! He played forever...and he played his old stuff, new stuff, and Hank Sr. and Hank Jr. stuff as well. We danced the whole time...all the guys in the mosh pit were the guys we knew so Kayla and I joined in with them. It was great...I've got some bruises from it. We were also swing dancing in the mosh pit which was so much fun!! It was kind of hard because people kept knocking us down, but it was great. Just a good rowdy old time. I love Hank because he is definitely country, but he's real country...not pop country. And he's got a metal band...so country/metal...so awesome.
When the show was done we were all so tired...we went back to the room and crashed then woke up the next morning and drove home. I wish this weekend would happen all over again.
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Monday, March 2, 2009
Yet Another Piercing
Today I pierced my nose for the second time...I hope this time will turn out better than the last. It's a purple stud. And Chelsea also got her nose pierced...we always end up getting piercings together. We were sitting and talking at school and randomly made the decision. Partners in crime...we like to surprise people.
Other than that my week hasn't been too good. I've been so attacked and weighed down and I have no idea why. Nothing that I can think of triggered this and nothing is keeping it going, but it won't go away. I was so excited for what God was doing in my life...I feel like He is calling me out in areas that I need to grow in and shaping me to be a better leader and witness for Him. He has been laying things before me that I can work on to be the leader He has created me to be. It's been amazing...I'm doing everything wholeheartedly and really giving it my all because God has shown me to honor Him with everything I do.
But then something changed...in a moment that I can't remember. I just started feeling really discouraged about my life, and about the person that I am. I have been feeling really depressed (which I usually can counteract with the Lord's truth) but I can't. This is so heavy on me. I've been seeking the Lord, I've been crying out to Him but I don't hear anything. I've been through periods of silence with the Lord before, but that was when I was being disobedient to His call. This time I was listening to His call and was really excited about what He was going to do. I even started to get really frustrated with God, and started asking Him 'why?' But then I was reminded of the book of Job and how ridiculous God said it was that Job was asking Him why? So I know that the Lord has bigger plans for me than I can see, but it's so hard. I feel so dry, and I am so thirsty. I will continue to praise Him even though I feel like I have nothing in me to give to Him.
Other than that my week hasn't been too good. I've been so attacked and weighed down and I have no idea why. Nothing that I can think of triggered this and nothing is keeping it going, but it won't go away. I was so excited for what God was doing in my life...I feel like He is calling me out in areas that I need to grow in and shaping me to be a better leader and witness for Him. He has been laying things before me that I can work on to be the leader He has created me to be. It's been amazing...I'm doing everything wholeheartedly and really giving it my all because God has shown me to honor Him with everything I do.
But then something changed...in a moment that I can't remember. I just started feeling really discouraged about my life, and about the person that I am. I have been feeling really depressed (which I usually can counteract with the Lord's truth) but I can't. This is so heavy on me. I've been seeking the Lord, I've been crying out to Him but I don't hear anything. I've been through periods of silence with the Lord before, but that was when I was being disobedient to His call. This time I was listening to His call and was really excited about what He was going to do. I even started to get really frustrated with God, and started asking Him 'why?' But then I was reminded of the book of Job and how ridiculous God said it was that Job was asking Him why? So I know that the Lord has bigger plans for me than I can see, but it's so hard. I feel so dry, and I am so thirsty. I will continue to praise Him even though I feel like I have nothing in me to give to Him.
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Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Growth
I have been learning and growing so much these past few months...it's pretty incredible. I'm becoming comfortable with who I am and who God has made me to be, He has been calling me out in the areas of my life that I could do better in. He's been gently pushing me to really step up and into the role He has for me. At the same time I'm becoming uncomfortable and learning to break free from the unnecessary boundaries I've created for myself. I'm learning to push myself into the places I was afraid to go but need to go. I am growing so much and I am so thankful for that.
In no way can I say that it has been easy, it's been really hard but I'm learning so much from these experiences. I prayed for God to grow me and show me where I need step up in my life...and He is fully answering that prayer. It's awesome.
In no way can I say that it has been easy, it's been really hard but I'm learning so much from these experiences. I prayed for God to grow me and show me where I need step up in my life...and He is fully answering that prayer. It's awesome.
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Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Maybe...
Maybe it's ok when your world is shattered...maybe we need those experiences so we can lay everything down at the cross and realize we can't carry it all by ourselves. Maybe it reveals the reality of our broken world and our deep need for healing from the only unbroken being there is. Maybe our world is shattered because it needs to be, because if every piece were perfectly in place we wouldn't need to be fixed...if we didn't need to be fixed then our world would be perfect....reality is our world is not perfect and it needs to be repaired. Something which is broken can't fix anything else that is broken, so we need the unbroken...God to mend us.
The shattering of our world brings glory to the Unbroken One.
The shattering of our world brings glory to the Unbroken One.
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Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Reality
It's late, I have a headache, and I just wrote a horrible essay that's due tomorrow. I am going to complain a little because I realized I only write happy blogs where everything is sunshine and smiley faces :) but that's not how my life always is...sometimes it's "I just stepped in a huge mud puddle, spilled coffee on my white shirt, 10 minutes late to class and missed a quiz" kind of life. I do love the sunshine but I've got to be real, it's not always so sunny around here.
I can't always hold myself up like everything is perfect because that's not the truth. I feel like I have to be stable and put on my happy face to be able to be there for anyone when they need it. But I really need people to be there for me sometimes. I know a lot of it is my fault because I don't tell people when I struggle because then I feel like I am being selfish by needing too much from someone else. I just cry out to God. But I know God wants me to be real with people. So here it is...realness. I'm overwhelmed and lonely. I need people and I need rest. Loneliness is not from the Lord...because He never leaves us. I need to fully take hold of this. I also need to trust that He will provide me with relationship with people. I also need to rest in Him.
LORD teach me to rest in you and trust in your provision for my life.
I can't always hold myself up like everything is perfect because that's not the truth. I feel like I have to be stable and put on my happy face to be able to be there for anyone when they need it. But I really need people to be there for me sometimes. I know a lot of it is my fault because I don't tell people when I struggle because then I feel like I am being selfish by needing too much from someone else. I just cry out to God. But I know God wants me to be real with people. So here it is...realness. I'm overwhelmed and lonely. I need people and I need rest. Loneliness is not from the Lord...because He never leaves us. I need to fully take hold of this. I also need to trust that He will provide me with relationship with people. I also need to rest in Him.
LORD teach me to rest in you and trust in your provision for my life.
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Tuesday, January 27, 2009
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